Talk Show Host: Alright, well now it’s time to hand over to Daren for another fun hunting video. Let’s see what our famous hunter has for us today.
Daren: Hi Fellow hunters, we got an amazing video here for you this week. It’s a bright, sunny day here in the forest and I am here at the hunting lodge for the opening couple of days of ‘Deer Hunting Season’.
Daren: I am joined today by these couple of real cuties! A pair of purpose bred Does fresh from our friends at ‘Wendy Meats’. They really do provide for all occasions and are always looking to expand their service. These two are, high quality Does, real Grade A and I’ll be soon releasing them into the forest and, after about an hour, will be heading out to hunt them!
Daren: You may be asking, why not just slaughter them right now? Well, where is the sport in that?! *laughs* Nope, I am going to be stalking and tracking these little beauties and attempting to put them down as quickly and cleanly as possible.
Daren: Today, I’ll be using this state of the art, compound, hunters cross bow. It fires a heavy bolt which is perfect for the kind of kills we are looking for today. Those being quick and clean! So I will be aiming for heart shots only with these two. These bolts should easily do the job of getting deep into the chest cavity and piercing the heart and because of their circumference will wound the organ so dramatically, it should stop pumping instantly. Very little blood, nice and clean! These kind of kills only come with practice and this type of bow is not for the novice. So get to know your prey’s anatomy and practice with lesser weapons before moving onto the cross bow.
Daren: I hear you asking why I haven’t mentioned attempting headshots. While this bow easily has the power to send one of it’s bolts through the skull and into the brain, thus resulting in a quick, clean kill, this pair of does are of such high quality, not only suitable for consumption but are most certainly trophy deer. *laughs* It looks like then enjoyed being given such a high compliment. Little show offs. Anyway, I do not to risk ruining the head in anyway as I intent to have them stuffed and mounted on the wall of my lodge.
Daren: Wow, these little beauties seem eager to get going. You looking forward to the hunt girls?
Wendy: *giggles and wiggles* hmm Yes Sir, Mister Hunter Sir.
Joey: *flashes a sultry side smile* Hmm it’s going to be exciting.
Daren: Good! Not long now. So viewers, as well as Trophies, I will of course be hunting for food. Once I have bagged the kills, I will return to my lodge to process the pair, that is, if I can track them both down! *laughs* I will remove the heads to be sent to the taxidermist, drain and gut the carcasses and once fully clean, will butcher their meat for storage. I got a large freezer that should easily accommodate this many cuts of ‘venison’.
Daren: Right! Let’s start this hunt! You does ready?
Wendy & Joey: Yes Sir!!
Daren: *unclips their leashes and slaps their asses* Then off you go! Ha ha, look at them scamper away, those fluffy tails wagging, Almost seems a shame doesn’t it? Well.. almost! Again, thank you to ‘Wendy Meats’ for providing us with these two wonderful does, their cloning and genetics labs really do provide the finest quality, be it for butchering, hunting, spit roasting or whatever your fancy.
Daren: Ok quiet now, while these does understand their place in our ecosystem, they still have a ‘flight’ response. This makes it like some kind of game for them. While they want to be caught, they also enjoy the chase, they find it exciting. This means we, as hunters, have to be careful and quiet not to spook them because they will take off into the forest and all you will see is that fine back side and the white of their tail. So, it’s a game for them and they are game for us. Keeps us honest *laughs*
Daren: *whispering* Perfect! I have found the first one. It’s been about two hours since I released them and it took me about an hour to track it into this glade. However, this is not the ideal shot. The doe is presenting it’s right side to us so I have no clear heart shot. I’m just going to have to wait and see if she presents us with a better shot.
Daren: *whispering* What do you know?! She turned to look right at us. This is the perfect shot, a clean, open shot of her left breast, her heart lies just under. Take a deep breath and….
Joey: *Squeals with surprise and delight as the heavy bolt slams into her tit*
Daren: Perfect Shot! She hadn’t seen me in the bushes although she was looking right at me, any longer and she would of bolted, that was impeccable. The bolt pierced her left breast and burrowed it’s way deep into her chest. A small squirt of blood and that was it. The doe seemed very surprised as the bolt struck her but it was too late by then.
Daren: See how quick and clean that was? The bolt buried it’s self in the doe’s heart, stopping it instantly. A split second later she dropped to the ground like a puppet with it’s strings cut. First kill of the day! I am very pleased with that. Sometimes, with lesser weaponry, the prey wouldn’t die quite so quickly. It may fall and start to bleed out or bolt off into the forest only to fall later. Either way, not the best kill for a hunter as the doe is left suffering until the hunter approaches it. If it bolts, the hunter may not find it for some time, leaving the prey to suffer, not what we want. In such cases, a small side arm would be useful, a shot to the brain or heart, if missed with the initial shot, should finish it off. But that wouldn’t be the clean kill we were looking for here.
Daren: We were aiming for clean, heart kills today and that’s what we got right here. She will be perfect for mounting and butchering.
Daren: One kill down, one to go! It looks like the other doe skipped it’s way around to the other side of the lake. I caught up to her skipping through another clearing. She had her back to us and I just had to admire that rounded rump, that would be perfect for a thanksgiving roast! She seemed to be enjoying the sunshine and had just noticed some mushrooms, wonder is she is feeling a little peckish. She must have built up quite the appetite running through the forest, I know I have! Let’s see if we can down this one too!
Daren: This shot has great potential. The doe’s back is fully presented, giving me a perfectly clear shot. The heart lies just under the left side there. The power of this cross bow will be more an enough to punch through the lung and into the heart from this distance. She hasn’t noticed us either so I have a little more time to get the shot perfect. Let’s bring this one down too!
Wendy: *Gasps with surprise as the bolt slams into her back and pops out of her breast*
Daren: God I’m good! The doe was perfectly relaxed, not on alert or anything this time and that paid off. I had the time to breath and take the shot. As I thought, this cross bow had more than enough power, straight through the doe’s back, lung, heart and the tip even popped out of her chest! It buried it’s self right down to the flights. Can’t complain about lack of power! The little doe barely knew what happened.
Daren: After the doe’s initial gasp of surprise, she fell down as if a switch was flipped. It’s always so satisfying to watch them drop and hear that ‘flump’ on the forest floor. Another clean kill. As you can see, barely any blood and that’s because the bolt instantly stops the heart and without the heart pumping, no blood can be pumped to the wound, so there is often very little mess, which is exactly what we were aiming for. Aaaaand another trophy for my wall!
Daren: Mid afternoon? That isn’t bad! I managed to drop both deer in a reasonable time and it was good sport too. They lead me on a merry chase through the forest and put my tracking skills to the test. By the time I get them back to the lodge, I will have time to start processing them. I already tied the first carcass to the hood of my truck, I’ll toss the second into the back. You are not a hunter unless you tie your kill to the hood, I always say! Let everyone see the trophy you just fell. Anyway, time to hoist these two up!
Daren: You join me here in my gutting shed; I have already removed the heads and they have been sent off to old Bill in town to mount. He’ll remove the brain and whatever else he does and mount them for me. A reasonable price too! Bill does fantastic work, so if ever you find your self up here with a trophy doe, be sure to pay Bill’s shop a visit. “Bill’s Taxidermy and Trophies” on the high street and tell him I sent you.
Daren: Ok Ok I know what you are thinking; Are you going to show us how to gut these fine slabs of meat? And the answer is…. No, sorry. That’s a little too much for day time television. I have already gutted one, as you can see and am about to start the second but if you want to see the full process, from head removal, opening, gutting, cleaning and butchering, purchase my DVD “The art to a fine Trophy Hunt!” I go into far more detail on this hunt and many others. I even hunt wild game, which is a lot different. Anyway, let’s skip a head a little shall we?
Daren: And here we are; The mounted heads have returned and look amazing, Bill really does fantastic work. The old coot may be a bit strange and if you leave your daughter or wife in his store for too long you may come back to them being part of one of his window displays *laughs* but he sure knows his craft.
Daren: I have also prepared a rack of ‘Venison’. I can’t wait to tuck in, absolutely mouth watering. You can, of course, purchase a rack of ribs like this from any butcher that stocks “Wendy Meat” products but there is nothing like eating what you hunt. Am I right?
Daren: That’s about it for this little video slot on the show, remember to check out my store for my DVDs if you want to see my hunts in even more detail, I also have merch! Check out our hunting packages and you too could learn how to hunt a trophy such as these two from a master hunter. Until next week; Stay safe and Happy Hunting!
Female Television Host: Thank you Daren! That was a lot of fun and I’m sure you hunters out there enjoyed that. Especially those adorable little does. Weren’t they just the cutest things? *laughs*
Male Television Host: They sure were! Just look amazing on his wall and those ribs… wow, made my mouth water. Say, Susan, haven’t you been invited to “The Talk’s” Annual celebrity hunt? Up at Daren’s lodge?
Susan The Weather Girl: Sure have! I’m going to follow in the footsteps of those adorable does and end up on Daren’s wall! So excited! But until then, I still get to give you the weather….. Clear skies for the next week up here…..